Black is Blue with No Light
You never know if when you go outside, it will be blue or black. Cody’s eyes are never blue, but they change colors; green, purple, red, and they get black too. But Cody’s eyes are never black when the sky is black so I never look too closely. I had Mommy paint my room blue because my eyes are blue, but the furniture is white and it needs to be blue too. Cody’s hair was black until he dyed it blond and it turned green and orange. Mommy told me my eyes were blue and white, but they aren’t. They are the color of my room, blue when the sky filters through the window and black when there is nothing to look at except Cody and his rainbow eyes. Maybe my eyes should have been white.
Noise changes the color of a room, which is why there is nothing that can make a sound in my four-walled world. People die when noise is made, sometimes in terrible ways, gruesome ways. I covered the floor in clothing; jeans, dresses the color of the sky and cobalt tees. Mommy used to try to look at me and make noise and I knew she wanted to kill me. She wouldn’t, at least I don’t think. Her eight-roomed house is as important to her as my four walls and all the terrible things outside of it. No, she wouldn’t hurt me. Not because she loves me though, but because she loves herself.
The number eight is perfectly symmetrical and is my favorite number. Actually, eight is the only number that is acceptable to me anymore; all other numbers are inferior because they are not perfect. Cody told me I am 5’4’’ but he only said that to make me mad. I am not any feet, I am 64 inches because eight likes the number 64. My room is okay because four is a multiple of eight and the window has exactly four edges; four walls and four glimpses into the outside world makes eight places in my room. Eight bites, eight light switches, eight showers, eight gulps, everything has to be eight. Mommy told me I waste a lot of time and money doing everything eight times, but Mommy doesn’t understand. Everything has to be perfect and she just doesn’t get it because she is not.
I once thought Cody had blue hair but it has always been black until it wasn’t. But it was never blue. I didn’t always have blue hair; one day I had blond hair and the next I had blue and you do that with eight tubes of blue paint. Now me and my room are the same and I don’t have to walk out of it because Mommy thinks I am part of the room and it is part of me. I don’t understand why she needs to move so much. I only move when the room breathes and Cody leaves and even than I never want to move as quickly as her. She is always wrong. I can still hear her making noise outside of me sometimes and I know she wants to kill me.
Mommy used to love Bertha and considered her part of the family. Mommy, Bertha and Me. I don’t think of Mommy as family though and Bertha wasn’t blue. Mommy used to have more family but I leave them out because they aren’t perfect and there is less than eight of them. But Bertha wasn’t blue and she would come into my room and pretend to be kitty blue but there is no such thing as kitty blue, so I threw her out. Mommy was really sad when she thought that Bertha had run away, but she still stayed in her world and I still stayed in mine. Mommy doesn’t know that Cody killed Bertha, but there is no such thing as kitty blue so I wasn’t too mad at him. I didn’t watch because the blood wasn’t blue and Bertha made too much noise.
Cody was going to kill Mommy too and when I asked him about it Cody told me he believed in a god. He believed that it could possess a special human to speak to the people because it could not. The god told the people the future through the prophet and Cody said I was his her. I didn’t know what that meant but Mommy didn’t die and Mommy found a Cody but not my Cody. She says he is called dad, but daddy isn’t Dad who wouldn’t kill Mommy like Cody would. When I slept near daddy he would scratch my arms until I made lines of blood, but Dad made even more noise than Mommy so I knew he wanted to kill me more than she did. Dad asked Mommy to marry her just like daddy asked Mommy to marry her and when I asked Cody what that meant he said that we already were. Cody has the best voice because he doesn’t speak at all.
At first, I didn’t like Cody too much because Cody wasn’t blue, but one day I realized that Cody looked up at the sky as if he was blue, and he wore all black like the night because he hated white, just like me. I realized I liked Cody, and opened the window to tell him, but the window made noise and nothing but the sky was blue. But he stopped me and pointed to the sun and told me to come outside at night and I agreed because everything is okay when it is all black or all blue, even if Cody’s eyes aren’t. When I came outside, I asked Cody if he would kill me like he did Bertha, but he told me I was too big. He pointed to the ground and said Bertha was buried but I couldn’t see her because he put the ground back. But I started digging and he did too, eight scoops of earth and then a bit of black, and then another eight. When the hole was big enough to fit me, Cody laid in it and I laid on top and played dark for a while. And when I looked at his face, his eyes were finally blue.