I well remember my father asking, What's the difference between a ham sandwich and an elephant?
The Answer: Neither one can climb a tree.
That's where the trouble started.
11:50 am: (Here comes the judge): You are charged with rambling, Mr. Himwich, of wasting your students’ time. Kazi has registered the complaint. You may question him. Kazi, is it really just rambling? Yes, it is. Am I rambling now? Yes, you are. Why do you think I ramble? That’s what old folks do. Perhaps I should just shove the work down your throat from the get-go and live with the regurgitation. I have no idea what you’re talking about. Me neither, that’s the point.
11:52 am: Judge Jo: Mr. Himwich, can you explain what 'rambling' is? It’s like trying to find the long-playing groove, getting down with the soprano, learning again how to dance. Glenn knows this well, see him stretching and contorting his limbs into a knot, pure negative capability, I don’t hear no one complaining about Keats. Holy Nijinsky, that man could dance. You’re saying ‘rambling’ is poetry and poetry is dancing? I call it keating, birding, peck, peck, now here now here, modo huc modo illuc, gurgling on air --- Are you 'rambling' now, Mr. Himwich? Does a rooster roast chestnuts? Is the moon to the earth as Jack is to his Beanstalk as green is to soot? It's like tying yourself in knots just like Glenn is doing there or breaking out of a cage.
11:54 am: Judge Jo: Glenn, is that what you call dancing? You look like a jellyfish about to explode. Haven't you've learned anything in this class? It's good for the soul, inside out or outside in. It's all the same. I call this move, Knot again, Knot again.
11:56 am: Judge Jo: Tell us, Mr. Himwich, how did you come to believe in the value of rambling? Well, one day, I overheard Emerson de Boot say to Riley the Wise: “Ask him about what he had for dinner last night and he’ll start talking about the moon, his son’s photography, the screaming of lobsters in the pot -- better yet, ask him if one plus one is one or two and soon enough class will be over and we’ll all get A’s,” and I thought, well, if that all it takes for my students to be successful, I would give it a try. Is it working? Clearly. Just ask Riley.
11:58 am: Well, Riley? I first thought he was just senile, hanging on to his teaching career by the merest of margins, but having tried rambling for myself and getting A's on all my papers, I've become a true believer. He calls me 'the Wise' because I play the game the right way, with fiddlesticks and buttered rum. The man's a genius. He told us so himself.
12:00 am or pm: Mr. Himwich, Aiden de Bomb here, aka The Weary One, do you remember me? Yes and No. Which would you prefer? If yes then no or vice-versa. Do you get my drift? Drifting, drifting, let the river of time and mind take you away, the answer will come upon you long after you've forgotten the question. I understand now, it's all about applying the indefinite dyad to a singularity. One size fits all.
11:58 am: Judge Jo: Do you have any witnesses, Mr. Himwich, who can give us an intelligible account of rambling? Is Aaron here? He rambles better than I do. He could teach the class. Aaron, do you swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth? The truth, what’s that? Animal, vegetable, mineral? I love playing twenty-questions. Like the Ancient One says, the questions are more important than the answers, it’s the meaning of life, keeps the merry-go-round spinning, your neurons jingling and flashing off and on, and it's good for a laugh. After all, the show must go on and where we would be if---Judge Jo: That’s quite enough, Aaron. Is there anyone else who has something to contribute? Hinano, what’s your take on this question? I don’t have much to offer, but I can say that in the esoteric philosophies of the Far Far East aka Shangri-la, drifting or what you’re calling rambling is what those who are thought to be wise call the touchstone of existence itself. It’s like ringing a bell and following the sound wherever it goes until at last all you hear is a thunderous silence. Did you learn this from Mr. Himwich? No, I just drifted into his class and stayed. He calls drawing poetry and lets me get on with going nowhere. Are you saying his rambling is meaningful? Maybe.
11:56 am: Tarik, what do you have to say? I have no opinion. I do what I am told to the best of my ability, even if that means just staring blankly at the screen. I recommend it. It's a circus.
11:54 am: Oliva, you haven’t spoken yet. . . . . . Olivia, I can see you. You’re sitting right there in plain sight. Answer the question. You haven’t asked me a question. Haven't you been listening? For the umpteenth time, Is rambling a waste? Is it a bad thing not to listen when you are trying to think things out for yourself? The man lets me write and that's all I really care about, but I can say his rambling is like the migration of the sandhill cranes, like drinking beer and eating ice cream for breakfast. You’re rambling, Olivia. No, I’m not. I am writing the great American novel on dying violently again and again after you’re already stone-cold dead and I can tell you there’s not a bit of rambling in it, just a lot of distant howling.
11:52 am: Judge Jo: Kazi, do you still want to press charges? Judge, the old man has concocted this whole charade just to whistle away the time: "I can name that tune in four notes, more or less." I never charged him with anything, but he is guilty, guilty, guilty and he has infected his students with his own silliness. He’s even going to make me play a clueless waif in this clown show. Just wait and see. Don't you get it? I am talking to you but neither of us is here. None of us are. Not even the old man. It's just ju-ju beans to him, what he calls creative writing. I call it dementia.
11:50 am: Judge Jo: The Court finds the accused innocent of all charges lodged against him by this clueless waif. I don’t know about the rest of you but I got an essay to write by the end of class on what’s the good of life and if I don’t get it done I'll turn into Rasputin, whoever that is. I know exactly what to say: To ramble or not to ramble, that is the question, . . . and the answer! Essay done and time to spare! A+